Alice

D' Arline,

亲爱的阿琳，

   I adore you, sweetheart.

   我爱你，亲爱的。

   I know how much you like to hear that—but I don't only write it because you like it—I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

   我知道你多喜欢听到这句话。但我写这句话不是因为你喜欢，而是因为它让我全身暖暖的。

   It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you—almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing.

    距我上次给你写信已经过去了很久，快两年了，但我知道你会原谅我的。因为你了解我是多么的固执和现实，所以我觉得写信完全没有意义。

    But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and that I have done so much in the past.

    但现在我明白了，我一直迟迟不做的事情其实才是正确的事，而且在过去我已经做了很多。

     I want to tell you that I love you. I want to love you. I always will love you.

     我想告诉你我爱你。我想爱你。我一直爱你。

     I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead—but I still want to comfort and take care of you—and I want you to love me and care for me.

     我很难理解在你死后爱你有何意义，但我仍想安抚你，照顾你，我也想让你爱我，照顾我。

      I want to have problems to discuss with you—I want to do little projects with you.

      我想和你讨论问题，我想和你一起做课题。

      I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do.

      直到现在我才想到我们可以做这些，我们本该一起做的。

      We started to learn to make clothes together—or learn Chinese—or getting a movie projector.

     我们开始一起学做衣服，学汉语，或者去买个电影放映机。

     Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.

     现在我自己不能做吗？不能，没有你我孤身一人。你是出点子的那个人，是我们所有疯狂冒险的发起者。

     When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed.

     你生病时，你很担心你不能给我我想要的，因 为你觉得我需要。

      You needn't have worried. Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true—you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else—but I want you to stand there.

        你不必担心。正如我曾经告诉过你，我没有什么需要，因为我爱你的方式有很多种。现在看来这再正确不过了，现在你无法给予我什么，但我依然爱你，爱到我无法再爱别人。我想让你站在这里。

        You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

        虽然你已死去，却强于任何活着的人。

        I know you will assure me that I am foolish. and that you want me to have full happiness and don't want to be in my way.

        你肯定会认为我很愚蠢，你希望我获得幸福，不想妨碍我。

         I'll bet you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend (except you, sweetheart) after two years.

        我打赌你会很惊讶两年后我还没有女朋友（除了你，亲爱的）。

        But you can't help it, darling, nor can I—I don't understand it, for I have met many girls and very nice ones and I don't want to remain alone—but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes.

        但你控制不了，亲爱的，我也不能。我不懂，我遇到过很多女孩，非常好的女孩，我也不想单身。但两三次见面后，却发现她们都是虚有其表。

        You only are left to me. You are real.

        我只有你。你是真实的。

        My darling wife, I do adore you.

        我亲爱的妻子，我爱你。

        I love my wife. My wife is dead.

        我爱我的妻子，我的妻子去世了。

                                                                                                         Rich.

                       理查

PS: Please excuse my not mailing this—but I don't know your new address.

另外，请原谅这封信无法寄出，因为我不知道你的新地址。

       费曼的抽屉里，长年摆着一封从未寄出的信。信纸泛黄破旧，因为费曼经常拿出来展读。那是费曼在妻子阿琳过世一年后（1946年），写给亡妻的信。费曼在信末写道：“原谅我没有寄出这封信。我不知道你的新地址啊。”

2004年，这封信和其它费曼亲笔写的信，都来到费曼的女儿米雪手中。

       米雪说：“看着看着，我着迷了。写这些信的人展现出思路清晰、体贴、谦虚、风趣而又迷人的魅力来。”米雪于是选出415封信和家藏的照片编辑成这本书：“关于我父亲的书很多，不过那些书都取材于口述的数据。但现在你看到的这本书，都是他亲笔写的信，这些信自己会说话。这些信综合起来，展现出一种前所未见的费曼的特质。”

1988年，费曼与世长辞。死前最后一句话是：“死亡太无聊了，我可不愿死两次。”

伟大喜剧演员的幕后，往往是一段历尽沧桑的人生；科学顽童的心底，透过这些纸页，浮现的是一个真挚高贵的灵魂。